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| RE: MISSING: Mavsluvr (his last picture) |
01-14-2022, 05:58 PM |
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| MISSING: Mavsluvr (his last picture) |
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Troll Cave
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| POSTING UPDATE
I am posting this update on leaving the board for anyone who still might care about why that happened (and I’m not saying anyone should!).
PREAMBLE
I had hoped to be the old soldier who just faded quietly away after the recent controversy on the board, but some of the people who have reached out to me have suggested that the posters who are disappointed by the disappearance of the recaps might be “owed an explanation,” and their case seemed reasonable.
I wanted to wait a week or two for any intense emotions (including mine) to cool down some, and I think enough time has elapsed now. I do want to emphasize that my purpose in offering these thoughts is not to continue any dispute, or even constitute a basis for further discussion, but rather to let my friends know that I didn’t reach the decision lightly, and to give them a serious, thorough review on what the thought process was and assure them that no part of it was about them.
TL;DR. I had grown tired of being the subject of what I regarded as long-continuing abusive posts that showed no sign of letting up. It appeared to me that the board “government” doubled down on allowing this to continue by denying that it was happening. Or, that maybe they honestly believed that he was right, in which case, there was nothing left for me to say. Be that as it may, I didn’t have the spirit left for continuing to try to post energy-consuming articles like recaps, and took Kenny Rogers’ advice to “know when to fold ‘em.”
For anyone who wants the nitty-gritty, here is the long version. Warning: I have great respect for everyone on the board, but being open requires me to make a few comments about the board culture, and it might be perceived as stepping on a few toes. It is deeply distasteful to me to complain about other posters (even ones who complain about me), so I’ll try to make this explanation as neutral as possible.
HOW WE GOT HERE
After the debacle in the Denver game thread, I did sit down to try to write the recaps in the following couple of games, but it seemed like a pointless and masochistic enterprise, and I just couldn’t make myself do it.
My decision was not only about that particular thread. In truth, I had been considering dialing back on posting here for a while, as it had gotten more and more grating to make the effort to write good posts, only to face the constant jabs. My plan had been to avoid saying anything, finish the season out, and then assess whether it seemed worth it to continue. But when any chance to resolve the issue in a discreet, non-confrontational way vanished, it seemed foolish to keep putting myself through this.
Believe it or not, game recaps, podcast/article summaries, and such didn’t just magically flow out of my computer. It actually took summoning up a substantial degree of emotional and intellectual energy to try to always come up with something that was substantive enough to be interesting and also reasonably fun to read. (I realize that I probably fell short many times, but the point is that it always involved mustering a substantial effort to do the best I could at the time.) In the words of Gordon Lightfoot, "I don't know where we went wrong, but the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back."
THE “LAST-STRAW” THREAD
Although my decision was not based just on the Denver recap thread, it serves as well as anything as an illustrative example of some elements of the culture that left me surprised and disappointed.
Refusing to acknowledge that certain members’ nasty posts are abusive.
For example, the statements of the poster in the referenced recap thread were summed up as a “polite request,” for reasons I doubt if I will ever understand. Among other things, the poster in question:
— called me a “condescending, narcissistic gas-lighter;”
— accused me of being “completely lacking in reading comprehension” and/or a “troll;”
— lied about me representing myself as Mark Followill, and used that lie as a basis for suggesting that I considered myself exempt from the rules; and,
— threatened to kick me off the board if I said anything else that fit into some nebulous, undefined concept of trolling.
I honestly didn’t get why these comments could have possibly considered polite or respectful, while a statement supporting the idea that Luka could help an NBA team was apparently beyond the pale. Objectively speaking, I didn’t see anything remotely polite or respectful in any of the above statements; frankly, I considered all of those comments outrageous, and was stunned at the refusal to recognize that.
Supporting threats of banishment by insisting they didn’t happen.
When a mod gives an ultimatum to a poster to do X or leave the board, then ten times out of ten, that is perceived as a threat to ban the poster. I realize that, after the fact, the member here claimed that he was making that threat as an individual poster, but there was nothing in the post to suggest that, and I didn’t consider it relevant whether he secretly harbored an intent not to officially act on his threat.
But what if the threat really was made in his individual capacity? Imho, it was still highly inappropriate. If the rules have now evolved so that any individual poster gets to decide who can and can’t reply to him, can order another poster to leave the board, can tell other posters what they can and can’t post about, or that they can only respond to his posts in this or that way, I honestly never got the memo. As for whether I “should have known,” the practice of that much individual agency seemed inconsistent with the culture of any sports board I had ever been a part of (excepting, of course, posts that are clearly out of line).
I emphasize this point because imho, threats to dismiss someone from the community are extremely harsh and should only ever be made in the case of serious misconduct. If the board thinks that I indeed should have been threatened with being thrown out, then I don’t know why we couldn’t have just said that and explained it, instead of denying that it happened, when it clearly did.
To be more forthright than I would have preferred, it seemed to me that these denials that abusiveness and threats of banishment happened were, more than anything else, the sub rosa announcement of a policy, in the case of selected posters, of not admitting it when they might occasionally cross the line, or even throw their “mod weight” around inappropriately. Since I had gotten on the wrong side of what seemed to me to be one of those posters, that didn’t seem to bode well for my having a comfortable future here.
I understand that it was “officially” decided that I could still post here (for now), but the fact that my status as a permitted poster was even in serious question was enough to make me realize how much my position here had deteriorated. Having to keep taking abuse, and having to keep fighting being tossed every time another “non-threat” arose just didn’t seem worth it.
The lack of any discernible standards as to what is and isn’t unacceptable trolling.
I still don’t know what was wrong with the post that triggered all this. From my window, there was nothing antagonistic toward any particular poster in it; it was a lighthearted challenge to the idea that Luka doesn’t elevate his NBA rosters. I don’t get why challenging that idea was a problem. I have seen way worse comments here that did not attract any particular attention, including some of the ones the poster in question made in the noted thread.
Sometimes posters (perhaps even including myself) do make controversial comments which seem to be actually baiting a spirited response. I don’t know why any of us should be able to forbid people from commenting on our own provocative statements. I guess now we know, but it’s nothing I conceived to be the rule at the time.
In short, I don’t have any idea what constitutes unacceptable “trolling” on this board for a regular member any more. If something as mildly snarky as the post in question is now fair game for a poster being abused and threatened with dismissal, it seemed to me that, in fairness, we should have received notice to that effect, and that that standard should have been enforced consistently and predictably. Not that I am suggesting that should be the standard — I actually thought we were conducting a fan board, not high tea in the Queen’s garden, lol.
I note that a couple of people insisted that there indeed was a clear and understandable rule, which was simply to be respectful of other posters. I respectfully have to call major BS on that. The fact, for example, that calling me a “condescending, narcissistic gas-lighter” was considered within bounds seemed to me to be case-in-point evidence that no such respectfulness rule existed in practice, or at the least, only certain posters were entitled to the benefit of it, and I was clearly not one of them.
NO END IN SIGHT
For the reasons above stated, I became convinced that there was little or no possibility of a satisfactory resolution of this matter.
Proposed resolutions
The few solutions proposed, while presumably well-intended, seemed to me to be more an official backing of the status quo than anything else, if you will pardon my bluntness.
— Kamm and I were forbidden to reply to each other. I didn’t know what that was supposed to solve. The pain for me was the same, whether the name-calling and accusations were contained in a post officially constituting a reply to me, or were simply positioned in an independent post.
— The implicit suggestion that if another poster told me to leave, I should reply in kind, didn’t seem to be an answer. I didn’t want to be, and don’t ever want to be, that high-handed and rude. And it would be an empty threat anyway in my case, whereas it’s an actual threat when it comes from a moderator. The proposition that individual posters have the same authority on the board as the mods is simply not the case.
— A few people have suggested that I should have just moved past it, and I certainly wish I had, as to the offending thread. Unfortunately, moving past it in general sounds like a fine idea, even to me, on paper, but since this continues to be an ongoing issue, the option of putting it behind me didn’t exist. I surely could have kept sucking it up, if I could still have mustered the enthusiasm, but being someone’s personal punching bag isn’t the day at the beach that some might think it is, and after the “explosion,” I found that my emotional reserves in this respect had already eroded. It’s like water dripping on a stone — you think you’re not even noticing it, but after a while, you realize that it has just worn you down. I realize that many may feel that this situation shouldn’t have been that important to me, but in fact, posting here had become less and less enjoyable on that account, to the point where it eventually turned into a negative experience.
My own possible fault in these matters
— I really don’t know how I had been “treating” Kamm for “the last several months” that he referenced. He clearly thought it was pretty bad. I would be very surprised if I had many posts replying to him at all, since, if I noticed a post was from him, my standard practice for some time had been not to engage with him, and many times to just quickly skim past his posts.
I had/have no animus toward any poster, including him, just a growing sense of being more and more tired of dealing with this issue. In the case of the particular post we have been using as an example, I don’t remember noticing whether it was him I was replying to, but it certainly wasn’t intended to be the catalyst for a wholesale unravelling of the social fabric.
I do acknowledge, however, that I had realized for a while that this particular poster had taken a singular dislike to me. It is possible that I was a little short or sharp with him on occasion, I don’t know. It is probably more likely that I responded to some of his posts with humor that he did not appreciate. The only times I actually remembered him asking me to do anything different were an occasion or two when he asked me to put him on ignore, which I took as so extreme as to be rhetorical. And maybe couching a couple of vague requests to “stop misunderstanding him" in what seemed to me a rude and pompous fashion, which I “moved on” from, since I didn’t know what he specifically meant and didn’t want to get into it with him. Whatever the case may be, if I hurt his feelings, I regret that, as being hurtful was never my intent.
But I do know that I never leveled the kind of personal, over-the-top accusations that I was increasingly on the receiving end of, because that’s not the way I roll. In my view, I tried very hard to be “the bigger man” and ignore the attacks, hoping that we could peacefully co-exist. Sadly, the situation escalated wildly and showed every sign of getting worse, not better. It seemed the better part of valor just to bring it to a merciful close.
ROLE OF THE MODS
I want to make a special point of saying that I did not blame the mods, most of whom I respect and admire. I also did not think that it was appropriate for me to ask them to intervene, even if I had thought they might have any such inclination (which I didn’t, and didn’t think they necessarily should have).
The mods have difficult decisions to make. In any organization, some individuals may be so important that their running people off from time to time is just a necessary cost of getting to have them around. I get that. Or, maybe the powers that be really believed that the poster in question was right. It doesn’t matter.
Whatever the reasons, I am sure that letting the current state of affairs continue made sense to them as being in the best interest of the board. I believe they were acting in good faith and didn’t mean anything personal, and it’s not my place to come here and argue with them about it. The board is bigger than any one poster, and if I was generating too much controversy, it may well have been for the best for me to move along. I, in turn, had to make the decision that was right for me in the circumstances.
SUMMATION
Anyway, if anyone is still reading by now, all I ever wanted in coming here was to talk about the Mavs, not to fight with other posters. The continuing prospect of having to constantly defend myself from personal attacks, continually try to make a case for why I should be allowed to post here, try to refrain from using satire or humor (which takes a lot of the joy out of writing), filter every sentence I write to try to anticipate whether it is something that another poster might find a way to be offended about, etc., left me drained of energy for it.
In any event, I suppose all of the above lengthy screed is more than anyone really wanted to know, and is probably neither here nor there at this point. I hate having to air all this dirty laundry. I am sure various people will disagree with parts or all of it, and I wish those who do a long and happy life. Long story short, I used to look forward to coming here and posting, but after all this, I just lost the requisite enthusiasm for it. Who knows, life is long, and maybe in some distant and re-imagined future I will want to join the party again.
A part of me wishes I didn’t feel this way, because posting here was something I enjoyed, and I loved interacting with the other posters. But at the end of the day, the heart wants what it wants, and in this case, it was to not continue making myself miserable by remaining in what, for me, had become a toxic and bewildering situation.
Thanks to all the posters who reached out in support, privately or on the board. I realize this isn’t the result you hoped for, and I honestly am sorry about that, but hopefully, whether you agree with me or not, you can at least understand my reluctant conclusion that there was just no other way out of all this continuing unpleasantness. I don’t think it is really that big of a deal, in the big picture. I tried to make the recaps special, but since we’re getting down to brass tacks, I have to admit that game recaps are easily available all over the internet. To those posters who are just as glad to see the back of me, congratulations then, lol, and no hard feelings.
I encourage the people posting here to continue. There are a lot of people with good basketball minds who have interesting things to say here. "Stuff happens" in every board and organization, and I just found myself in a position where I couldn’t get out of the way of it. At the risk of coming across like Mrs. Lincoln complimenting the play, I still think it is the best fan board I ever came across, notwithstanding my own individual circumstance, and I hope that it will remain so.
Enjoyed talking hoops with everyone. All the best. Go Mavs!
mavsluvr |
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